1. She runs around in and out of the water, amongst the wild garlic and other early shoots, while I stand on the grassy knoll and chat.

2. I’d wanted flat purple felt but the grey Swaledale shows through. I moan and grumble about it until I realise I prefer the resulting marl.

3. The sweet tanginess of the chilli sauce. I mop it up with a chunk of naan.

3b. We spend so much time punning and mocking each other’s antics that we don’t have time to watch the film. I don’t mind in the slightest.